raindancer

As I Drive By

2011-07-08T14:36:00.000-07:00

You are...
a warm porch across my window
a colorful vision in the rain droplets
a beautiful reflection on the road water
a mosaic behind my screen of tears

admirer

2010-12-30T19:26:00.000-08:00

Around your life..
I leave no mark on the pillow,
that's because I don't dream of anything.
I make no ripple in the tale,
that's because I risk nothing
I don't have foes,
that's because I stay invisible

Around your life,
I am a cautious spectator

The only proof I was there,
was because I bought the ticket

2009-12-20T16:37:00.000-08:00

First Experience of Same Office but Different place.
and so, the negotiations begin...

"Click"

2008-06-20T13:06:00.000-07:00

Tripod, Lens, Flash Light, Shutter.. CLICK!

For a moment The smile was there..
The spirit... maybe was there..

All faces are included, they fit just right,
since it was in the right angle within the right distance

Colors of the background were pretty,
Even the sun is shining at the right direction

But the whole stories were absent,
It was automatically taken... no photographer

For a moment what others think really matters,
others from the future.. which is not yet owned by anyone

Some Lifes .. are like that CLICK!

Stepping Still

2008-04-25T12:51:00.000-07:00

'been trying to say "I'm complete".

I have untangled the phone lines between homes.
I have seen an innocent life brought to this world.
The small face shared so many smiles.

Bits and pieces in the past made me.
Every "I can do it", made me.
you and you, made me.
each secrets made unintentionally.

now i return to chapter one

Duri dikala hujan

2007-08-20T17:41:00.000-07:00

mungkin itu karena kaca jendelanya,
atau karena gelapnya malam, dikala musim semi?
tidak, itu karena titik-titik airnya.
Lampu di sebrang terlihat berduri tajam, panjang dan berpelangi

Hanya ada deretan yang menggangu
Berjas, Berdasi, berpayung dan bertopi
walau telah di tudungi rating meranti
Aku tahu apa yang mereka tunggu
manusia-manusia berpakaian rapi
... kendaraan ke sang buah hati

(first time) :)

Not an Asthma

2006-11-23T17:06:00.000-08:00

Each breath taken felt like a huge and painful pressure on the chest.
It's because the things I know,
It's because the things you've said,
the things are.

Because I am very "lucky" to have you there.
where thoughts scattered all over the floor,
where we can glue them as we want,
or pocket the ones which glow the most.

It's because the feelings we kept.

I'm your sin (simple)

2006-11-22T00:43:00.001-08:00

I never knew that I'm your sin.

Although I came on the beginning of November and gone with the summer.
So, I've washed your hair down to the grass your feet on.

I did hope for you to turn your face to me.
but i didn't know that, it got stuck too long, and leave a mark on the heart.

maybe, I read this from your paper's soul.

TIRED BEING WISE

2006-11-17T19:54:00.000-08:00

Totally exhausted being wise, but it's the only way to survive.
Wise for myself, and the people around me.
anybody can be wise, just know your block well.. and learn to survive.
There.. i was being wise again..
you see how easy to talk wise, but to actually do it .. is easy too. :P

now lets try not being wise for a moment.
"I LOVE YOU.. ALL OF YOU!"
"I KNOW YOU LOVE ME!"
"ALL OF YOU.. LOVE ME!"
"EVEN YOU.. YOU.. AND YOU.."
"LETS... "(arrrgghh... i can't)

very hard..
so mostly when we're not wise it's not because of we don't want to. but because we just don't know how to.. or forced to

just a little more

2006-11-17T01:24:00.000-08:00

Necessary fights, and alot of sorries should be flying in the air.
Sometimes you think you can not be together with him/her,
and recently some justifying reasons just came up.
But look again, where you stand, in this fight, win or loose is not decided by who falls first.
but on who learn the most, if you both learn and together you can win.
The dancefloor could turn into a boxing ring.
The first one who leaves the ring is the looser.
but eachtime you turn back the ring into dancefloor,
you'll have smoother and wider floor..
only together you can make your smooth skating Ice.

...from me... tell him :... stop Counting on good deeds, since good deeds already have their rewards, Start writing your sorries(both of you) as your memorials..

Broken Bars of Iron

2006-07-20T19:45:00.000-07:00

The burdens I've chosen the burdens which make me numb.
Like the violent scenes they played on TV, I've watch it too many times.
I've put my heart in behind Iron Bars, and my soul's too far from the court of sense.
Each step felt like meaningless "XYZ", when they should've felt like steroids.

I bang my head on the sun-compass, hoping it shows me directions.
I bang it again and again, "Show me north, so I can go up!"
I'm lost in the world I master, on an endless sea of conquests.

I don't cry over pennies, I can make them with brain and fists.
My so called common sense turns me evil, I can translate tears in 3 languages.
Language of rats, foxes, and mules. With tombstones they're concluding.

I have failed to see that You were there, all this time, all the time.
I thought I've reached the top, then I see You're way taller.
I've been dialing the wrong number , since it wasn't You on the other side.
My deeds were shameful, I should've put my face in the prison's wall..

Please show me home as I was once told, the only victory known to all beings,
Please don't take my tears as I would did, please, please, please, ... please forgive me ya Allah..

Fast Forwarding The Time

2006-06-18T17:17:00.000-07:00

You said it's not my fault,
but it still felt so wrong from where I stand.
You said it's a fate,
and no one can fix it.
You said none of us wants this,
it just came like a hammer from nowhere.
I was there to listen, and I know what I was facing.
I'm supposed to be strong,
'Cuz, you are.

I am bounded to our vow, I held you hands tight.
I promise to stand between you and time.
Even only for a moment, I stood whole heartedly.
But still I see You went away.

Eyes were closed, and I can only speak to my heart.
I said I know that I'll see you on a different time and space.
I said I'd accept this condition, still it hurts on each breath I take.
Too many "I don't know" filled my chest.

I do miss you.

If only I can fast forward the time...

The Unproven Thinker

2006-02-26T22:12:00.000-08:00

It goes close to this:
It can’t be scientifically proven, nor legally. Maybe that’s why it is one of the nonsense. They are substances that do not present themselves self well. This brought me down to the root of all knowledge about existence, before I can conclude zeros or ones. At this point the most relevant test is René Descartes’ quality test. As the object of sense, do they have hardness, heat, light, odor, color, taste, and sound? no.. As the object of Mathematics, do they have quantity, shape, time, and magnitude? no, since they can not be exactly measured....And lastly.. If they can prove their existence.. can it prove to be capable of it’s own thoughts? 'cogito ergo sum' … Since all the thoughts they have always based on other’s… and they’ve been hiding in other’s thoughts.. Are they a type of res cogitans (the thinking subject) or res extensa (the extended subject)? Should I go for further meditation to find their dimension? Because I believe there is a sense which haven’t been implemented which is “like and dislike”. All thinking subject should have likes and dislikes towards something. The greatest dislike should be the closest end of existence. Yet they have no end to existence… Like energy or any chemical materials, they just change shapes.. but the existence I’m talking about is the existence as the same thinking being….. I can't say there is no such being.. since If I denies their existence, I’d be denying the existence of Him too.. the cause of all cause. From this point I will not go any further… in this country, in this world.. it is for each of us to decide.

When Unsatisfaction met Big Appetite

2006-02-20T16:49:00.000-08:00

Remember when I wrote something about A Good Burger.. Well.. it has been proven that I’m not the only person who want a good Burger. So, on last saturday we(me and two friends from the same neighborhood) went out to find the best burger in town.. starting from Mc Donald’s, Wendy’s, A&W, Burger King to a local burger ‘Blenger Burger’.. and we decided that Burger King double whopper have the best taste, but the price is too expensive, and quite hard to find in Jakarta.. so the second choice falls to ‘Blenger Burger’.. a local burger which has the biggest size, and a lot cheaper.. Except. The taste.. I have to admit that nothing beats Burger King’s Double Whopper..After a long discussion, we come to a conclusion that we need to make our own Bigger Burger, Taste as good as the Whopper, and Cost much less.We did a short research on the recipes on the internet.. made a long distance call to someone in London who happens to be the best cook we know(She really helps a lot.. Thanks B.J’s Mom).. did a little experiments with the patty, sauces and bread.. and Walla!!..We got exactly what we want!!but before we decided it would be the best for everyone out there.. we have to put it into a test.. A Taste Test.. so we invited some friends and neighbors.. and the result is.. they all like it.. except that some ppl would love to have it with extra chili on top.. Not a problem.. and it does taste better with chili.. yum-yumm.. See… if there is a will.. there is a way..Maybe.. you should taste it too.. we’d be glad to show you how a burger should look and taste like!

Finally , A picture

2006-01-01T16:25:00.000-08:00

Finally, A picture on my Blog!
a new male kitten, "VaiO". Don't ask where I got the name from.

One night and me

2005-12-25T19:23:00.000-08:00

I made wrong phone calls,
I gave my promise.
my crime is leaving the scene,
no music suits my footsteps.
The night is my curtain,
where I can bury my expressions,
my shadows and my well known figure.

I can only hold on to a bag on the stairs,
waiting for some sense to come up.
All three wounds was only on my finger,
I haven't found out which one hurts me most,
But I have stripped down my pride with teardrops.

My choice is only to get on the bus
where I can only hear the radio with one ear,
'cuz the other's still attached to my heart
where I thought I've talk to the devil
but In the darkness he is manacled

where I said "sorry" to myself
with reasons I can't explain
I forgive.. but with my silence,
I don't know if I'm forgiven
and I know It would be hard to understand

Starting new

2005-12-13T17:09:00.000-08:00

All I know, eight years moments gonna be hard to forget..
Especially within the complicated minds of two.
Sometimes It'll happen again and again.
If only there's a place which is eight years away and can be reached within two hours.. It'll be good place to have a new start.
But there isn't, so break the eight into hundreds and share it with people out there.. and you might have one or two weeks left.
and beware... it'll catching up if you stay and wait..
'Strong will' and 'good effort' still valid here..

....................Who am I to tell?................

'sorry

2005-09-12T22:58:00.000-07:00

I just got distracted by another blogging tools or web...
360.yahoo.com , ever heard of it?
But what I have there is another side of me.
Hopefully this blog and the one in 360 will be my only (two) blogs.

From a Blog of Go-Blog Bloke

If you remember me

2005-06-21T17:59:00.000-07:00

In the afternoon rain,
I was the man who carries an umbrella for you, picked you up at the bus stop, give you a big hug and help you putting on your rain coat. I was the man who takes you to a movie or to a dinner on weekend. Just you and me.

After dinner,
I was the boy scout who help you crossing the street, walk you home, held your hand at the front door, and humming a song while walking away alone.

On Sunday morning,
I was the cook who served you your breakfast, picked up a rose early in the morning just put it next to your glass of milk. I was your happy presenter, reading out the news paper for us.

On other mornings,
I was your faithful email reader about life and your dreams last night. I was the spammer who sent you note asking about where we'll have our lunch.

Late at night,
I was the musician who wrote musics, and plays the piano just to memorize all the moments I had with you.

At the airport,
I was... silently crying.... looking at your back as it fades away, flooded by my own teardrops. And walk home with an umbrella, alone under the afternoon rain.

Glued

2005-06-12T23:11:00.000-07:00

So you sit there just across me.
I value every glimpse at your face.
Trying hard to keep it in my mind
your eyes, lips, face, hair, skin...
every inch of you, just perfect,
even with minimum lighting
15 minutes doing nothing feels like few seconds.
I thought I saw a smile from your lips,
a victorious smile for your admirer.
I despise the moment I walk away,
You are the reason I'll be on my way home.

Standing Still

2005-06-07T00:35:00.000-07:00

I don't want to talk to the toad that lives inside my head,
I don't want to listen the joker that whispers dumb things into my ears,
I don't want to see the flashing lights before my eyes.

I choose to stay here, with the people I love, with the bread I'm making.
I'm at my edge, just one step into the clouds and I'll fall to an eternal regret.
I'm not afraid to move backward without turning my head and look.
The road I have passed is the road i've known for the rest of my life.

and I am responsible for all of the above.

Too Late

2005-05-25T18:14:00.000-07:00

Once a friend told me that A little bit late is okay.

In love, there's no such thing as "a little bit late", when it's late, it's too late.

When words are not spoken and faith turn it's face to another man, it's too late.
When words are spoken, hearts get broken, it's too late.
When we're realizing where we stand, we can not reach to the other side of the wall, It's too late.
When we wait for awhile and receive a Happy(wedding) news, it's too late.
When we try to fix things up, and suddently he/she's gone from this world. It's..too..

The main point is,
In love, when you have the chance, get it, hold it close, take a very good care of it.. and never be late.

good burger?

2005-05-23T03:21:00.000-07:00

Big Mac, or Hungry Jack's Double Whopper?
Grilled meat or Dry Fried?
With lotsa mustard, mayo and Cheese?
with everything in it..
all the required vegetables..
Lettuce, onion, pickles, tomato
Salt and Pepper
plus ketchup and chili..

don't forget.. french fries...

Yumm….

Funny Burger

THE THINKING STUPID

2005-05-09T17:46:00.000-07:00

“Butterfly”

I don’t know why they call it But-ter-fly.
It doesn’t event resemble butter, or processed diary product
OK, it can fly.. but.. Flying butter? Come on!?!

Or Maybe the first person who gave the name was a psycho who likes to smash insects? But still.. after the smashing and crushing..the wings or any of it's bodyparts won’t melt like butter.

Or is it Butt-er-fly? Hmm.. ladies and gentleman… About that.. I think I leave it to your imagination..

Butterfly.. is definitely something much more beautiful then flying butter.. or Butt ..er.. Fly.

Comments? =)

Field of Mist

2005-04-25T17:29:00.000-07:00

The title....
1. is something I see every morning on my way to work.
It makes me wonder for a while.... amazed.. stunned by the miracle
2. are the words I said when I was praying.. (not gonna tell you this)
3. are like the words I hear from Ida and Krisna Show in the radio ,.. again.. every morning
4. is something I miss in a broad day light
5. is not quite a 'rain'... but just as beautiful
6. makes me wish to run and wake the sleeping birds up
7. Gives me shivers, imagining there'll be someone could suddenly appear right b4 me
8. is something you don't see very often in a place which is very close to the ocean
9. where i'd like to scream out and no one could see me doing it
10. Is the view I want to share with... you...

4.30 am

2005-04-12T17:52:00.000-07:00

‘Slept late last night,
'Woke up early this morning,
'Can't sleep well? Yes.

First sight outside my window is ..
A flat tire!
'Have to change it, Quick.

So there I was,
With all the hassle and the noises
at 4.30 am, Only the rooster is annoyed,
I think I've made a day-off for him,
Maybe 'kinda made him feel useless.

It only took me 10 minutes,
Yes, another unnoticed victory,
no one is seeing it,
except me and the rooster.
Then add another 5 minutes for admiring my triumph.

Just the right time for "Sholat Subuh"
'Took a bath, made my breakfast,
Same resolution as yesterday,
No coffee for me today.
Somethings are different today,
but the rest is same-old same-old. :)

My Story Wall

2005-04-11T03:02:00.000-07:00

I wan't you to know...
My view is dominated by walls
It's the biggest screen that I have
I can't tell which movie's playing
But it has me as the star
It has flashing texts between the scenes
Sometimes I'm too tired reading them

Sometimes I got suffocated
by the background smoke
or by the choking lines
And there also picture of me
running from pages to pages
No music suits the conversations
The water I drink is not even real
I can’t fight my own tears

After the climax,
I got an apology
most definitely not applause
All went wrong
Sooner or latter it’s over

My best bet is:
It won't end like a fairytales
It'll turn out to be a comedy

That's the story I confess

Jealousy

2005-04-05T08:54:00.000-07:00

Wondering if it could be me,

So I’ve seen my fellows got together, got married, and have kids.
I’ve grown with them since… I’ve forgotten how long.

They seem to have something more then my “conquering the world” goal.
They walk as if their path has been enlighten by some sort of light,
Mine.. sometimes it's dark.. some other time it’s blinding bright.

Which ends up in denial.. excuses if you may say..
Saying I am not too old to wait for another two or three years,
Saying I need to achieve certain point of life before married,
Saying I have all the love I need for the moment,
Saying when I got married I want it to be perfect,
But just a glance at what they have..
I think we know how shallow those words are.

Is this Jealousy?

Farewell

2005-02-16T02:39:00.000-08:00

At the second day.. <>
I’ll be isolated from the world I’ve known in the last few centuries.
It wasn’t easy to get in, and it won’t be easy to let go.
I can beg, kneel, or bleed, but it’ll do me no good.
My excuse is, “I tried to break the ethnical barrier with a different language”.
and it is the weakest justification that I have.
<>In reality, I’m just hiding behind my expressions
I’ve seen my reflection on the floor,
It wasn’t a better image than the person standing on it.

Summer’s coming, no more rain to dance for.
I met one person here.

It is perfectly okay if you couldn't understand what's written above. The words are supposed to reflect the changing me because of others.

TO LIVE… SIMPLY

2005-02-13T08:55:00.000-08:00

<>Jakarta: To live… simply To walk, to run, to work, to perform at one’s best and to not complain about any of them. To do all the routines with a little variations. To have relationships and socialize. To do good deeds and to give charities.... .....

Houston: Maaaaannnn!!!.... where is the part that mention "To Draw your own lines and colors"???

Jakarta: It's there!!...it's there!!... it's in the big picture!!

Desiccated

2004-09-28T05:06:00.000-07:00

Where was I?
I have one cheek on the table.
My fingers were running through the edge of the table,
My bare feet were leisurely feeling the carpet beneath.
‘Typing this blog with one finger.
I'm exhausted by the state of affairs. No.. by the circumstances.
I feel inside my chest full, and I don’t want to do anything...
A sigh of a violin playing Bach’s Sonatas in my head.

Someone out there has given me thoughts.
That someone was my mirror.
So, I’ve lost that mirror last night.
It was because of my own gaffe, because I wasn’t somebody else.
I appeared as I am, I can’t stay mystifying.
Now I’m carving your statue in my brain.. Inch by inch.. with your footprints as my guide.

Through the glass window I’m wondering.. ”Rain… when will you pour again? So I can hide my tears while I dance”.

Raindancer

Plausible Performance

2004-09-26T08:11:00.000-07:00

I've wrote something here.
About me running with too much coffee in my head,
Dead-line on Sunday,
Other's wedding photographs,
How 99% is equal to ZERO,
and The All Mighty Help me,
Not wanting to fall in the same hole twice,

but the story just disappears.
Leaving me with physical exertion which leads to psychological torture
I thought I had a plausible performance.
In the end, it was just His plausible performance.

the Middle Ground

2004-09-24T17:47:00.000-07:00

I'm stuck in the middle ground, while others are trying to find the middle ground. They call it "compromise", "concession" or "conciliation". To me they're just "uncertainty". Pull me out!! I've to chase the ice-cream truck. I must find the garden of flowers to step on. Something to laugh about, everyday. And here I am, in saturday morning. So.. where should i go this weekend?

Blog Makes U Feel Right?

2004-09-21T23:16:00.000-07:00

Is blog supposed to make the writer feels right?
Right in the sense of justice, right in the sense of good-feeling, right in the sense of good-and-evil?
What do you write in your blog? It's obviousely not a diary.
Blog's also not quite a bulletin.

Me.. I write what I feel in my blog, I want ppl to know how I feel.. what I've felt.. More like introducing Me as someone with feelings (pass the boundaries of Right-and-Wrong or Good-and-Evil).

Now I feel NUMB.

RainDancer

2004-09-21T05:26:00.000-07:00

Listenning to the raindrops, cold temptation in silence. Smells of the wet grass and soils.
Fields of falling rainbows.
Absolutely Gorgeous.